Adventures in Marriage- Day Ninety
Marriage and Friendships
See that not-quite-twenty-year-old woman in the picture with me? After realizing she was my closest friend, I asked her to be my wife and she said yes. Through all the crazy adventures life has taken me on, I’m glad I have gotten to share them with Anna May. A few months into married life, she forced me out of comfort zone and insisted we become friends with other couples. This is one of the best gifts she ever gave me.
C.S. Lewis was once asked what advice he had to offer to young adults. Among other things, one had to do with friendship. Lewis recommended that young adults make whatever reasonable sacrifices they can in order to live near enough to friends to enjoy each other’s company. I think this is sound advice. With that said, here’s a word of caution from my nineteen-year-old self…
I Miss You?
God has blessed us with friends. I never imagined that we’d have people we loved spending time with as a couple this early in life. Something weird happened today though. When we got home from Aaron and Rachel’s apartment, Anna May looked at me and said, “I miss you.” “Miss me?!”, I replied. “We haven’t had a moment apart since we got married except to go to work!”, I continued. I’m not a super observant man, but I quickly noticed I had said the wrong thing. It took a bit for her to want to speak to me again, but when she finally did, she explained that time with me and everyone else was not the same as time with me alone. She says that she wants quality time. Marriage is complicated!
Life Lesson
At the time my wife told me this, it made absolutely no sense to me. I thought she was being ridiculous. I had been perfectly content not to have friends in Springfield until she forced me to make some. In my mind, spending time together with friends was spending time together. All people are not wired the same. Building a happy marriage requires a willingness to listen and learn. Even though I felt we had sufficient time together, she was craving focused time. Love is selfless. We would all do well to be intentional about loving our spouses the way they want to be loved, not the way we want to be loved.
Relationship Tip
It is unwise to tell your wife that you want time alone in response to a request for time together. Who knew?