Adventures in Childcare
See that picture? For a lot of people, one look at it brings to mind all kinds of happy thoughts and feelings about the beauty of raising children. Raising kids is certainly a beautiful thing, but sometimes it’s far less than perfect. Twenty-four years ago, Anna May and I hadn’t yet had kids of our own, but she decided that a good way to make some extra money was opening our house to offer in-home childcare. It wasn’t long before we were approached about watching a little boy whose father said had been kicked out of every daycare in Springfield. I don’t know if this was an exaggeration, but I do know his dad was desperate. He was a single dad, working long hours, with no family to help. Among the many challenges this young man faced, he was very limited in terms of vocabulary and very angry. Today, we are blessed with a house full of children, one of whom is on the autism spectrum. I wish we had known some things back then that we have learned now, because there is little doubt that this child was also on the spectrum, and no one in his life seemed to understand what he was going through. Unfortunately, we were also pretty ignorant when it came to these things.
We will call this young man Christopher. Christopher screamed all day long. He hit things and banged his own head against the wall and the floor and was seemingly impossible to control. Nothing seemed to help. Finally, Anna May reached out to a trusted friend that was a daycare director and asked, “What do I do?” She told Anna May that you can’t help everyone and maybe it was time to let him go. After all, if “every daycare in Springfield” had failed, what could a twenty-year-old woman do? Anna May told her, “I can’t do that. I feel like God sent him to me. I’m not quitting on him.” When she said this, her friend responded, “If that’s the way you feel, you’re going to just have to love him. Most everyone in his life has given up on him once he acted up enough. Maybe he needs to see that you won’t give up.”
Armed with those words of encouragement, Anna May decided that love would somehow win this battle. His tantrums didn’t just last a few minutes. They would continue for hours. As soon as one started, she would hold him and repeat, over and over, “I love you, Christopher.” As he attempted to hurt her and himself and anything around him, she would lovingly restrain him, saying those words continually. “I love you, Christopher.” The most amazing thing happened. He began to heal! Was everything perfect? No. Still, the anger subsided, and we watched God transform him into a happy little boy.
I once heard another minister say, “If love doesn’t work, try nothing else, because love never fails.”
Parenting is hard. It doesn’t matter if you are raising your own kids or if you’re helping with someone else’s. Raising children is not for the faint of heart. You can read a thousand parenting books and learn all the most effective discipline methods, but nothing will ever take the place of relentless, ridiculous, intentional love. Does this mean that if you have love in your heart for someone, everything will get better? Of course not. Still, don’t forget 1st Corinthians 13:8: “Love never fails.”
Parenting tip
Sometimes you need to call a friend.
Parenting tip #2
The friend you call may give good advice, but you still need to prayerfully weigh their advice. God puts people in our lives for a reason. Sometimes, even when others tell you to quit, that doesn’t mean that you should. You may have to get creative, but love never fails.
Parenting tip #3
Breathe. It’s going to be ok. While you’re breathing, pray. God loves children, and He loves you. He will help if you ask.